One Week Later
Well. One week ago today I was getting off the plane, stepping back onto US soil for the first time in four months. One week ago today, I was numb, unable to feel much emotion while my peers broke down around me. One week ago, I couldn't believe what was happening.
One week ago, I couldn't fathom life in the "real world."
Now, that week has passed. And I'm still here.
How am I doing? That's a popular question around these parts at the moment.
I'm...I'm...getting by, I suppose. School is keeping me busy-ish, although I'm only taking three real classroom-based classes. We've started working on our new production, "David & Lisa", and I'm assisting on design concepts, as well as running and working with sound for the show.
I start work on the final segment of my film tomorrow, and begin the 18-week process of making it into a final piece tomorrow as well. It scares me a bit, just because this will be my grade for the entire year, and maybe just the trick to boost me into a great film and journalism school.
Both my suitcases were unpacked last night, shortly after I worked the first wedding show of the year with Dad and Tina. We hopefully will book a lot of weddings...some money would be nice sometime soon. Not a lot, but..."if I were a rich man, deebadoobadoobadoobada..."
Now don't get me wrong. I love my friends, and they're great. Nothing's really changed at school; everyone's dated everyone else, teh same old couples are still together and still too damn cute. The departments are the same with some new additions. And admittedly, aside from getting a bit skinnier and curvier, my friends haven't changed.
Myself, I'm different. Very different.
I can't yet say how, but I know that I'm a very different young man from the Aron that left Birmingham and got on a 21-seat Delta Connection jet about 4 months and 2 weeks ago. The old Aron is still there, but there's a lot of new material as well.
That's what I'm trying to deal with. And perhaps why I'm finding myself rather depressed a good amount of the time in the past week. I miss Israel. I miss the kids (although not too much). The way of life in America...I don't really like it that much. Too much concrete, too much metal, glass. Too much of everything.
Even worse, I can't get over the feeling that this is just a temporary thing. And moreover, my memories of Israel are buried somewhere in the back of my head. It feels like I never left, or even that I went a long time ago. My mind won't grasp the fact that I have to re-acclimate. So...I haven't. Yet.
I don't know how to re-acclimate, to fit back in here. I'm feeling pretty damn aimless and depressed. And it sucks. I'm in a rut that gets deeper every day.
This morning, everyone stood while the Pledge of Allegiance was said aloud. I abstained, and silently sang Hatikvah. Tomorrow morning, I get to have the car to myself for the first time. My bikes are getting ridden. It keeps me sane.
I hate this feeling. I don't know what to do with myself. Or how to process the past semester of my life, or how to apply it, or even how to tell people about my experiences.
I've decided to go talk to my school counselor, as well as some other distinguished figures, and some people that are just good friends. I want to be cheery, and go out, and have a social life.
I want to be a normal teen again.
But at the same time...I want to be my own person, and live for myself.
One week has passed, and it feels like a year.
L'Shalom,
--Aron
aronaltmark@aol.com
(205) 515-0055 [US]
One week ago, I couldn't fathom life in the "real world."
Now, that week has passed. And I'm still here.
How am I doing? That's a popular question around these parts at the moment.
I'm...I'm...getting by, I suppose. School is keeping me busy-ish, although I'm only taking three real classroom-based classes. We've started working on our new production, "David & Lisa", and I'm assisting on design concepts, as well as running and working with sound for the show.
I start work on the final segment of my film tomorrow, and begin the 18-week process of making it into a final piece tomorrow as well. It scares me a bit, just because this will be my grade for the entire year, and maybe just the trick to boost me into a great film and journalism school.
Both my suitcases were unpacked last night, shortly after I worked the first wedding show of the year with Dad and Tina. We hopefully will book a lot of weddings...some money would be nice sometime soon. Not a lot, but..."if I were a rich man, deebadoobadoobadoobada..."
Now don't get me wrong. I love my friends, and they're great. Nothing's really changed at school; everyone's dated everyone else, teh same old couples are still together and still too damn cute. The departments are the same with some new additions. And admittedly, aside from getting a bit skinnier and curvier, my friends haven't changed.
Myself, I'm different. Very different.
I can't yet say how, but I know that I'm a very different young man from the Aron that left Birmingham and got on a 21-seat Delta Connection jet about 4 months and 2 weeks ago. The old Aron is still there, but there's a lot of new material as well.
That's what I'm trying to deal with. And perhaps why I'm finding myself rather depressed a good amount of the time in the past week. I miss Israel. I miss the kids (although not too much). The way of life in America...I don't really like it that much. Too much concrete, too much metal, glass. Too much of everything.
Even worse, I can't get over the feeling that this is just a temporary thing. And moreover, my memories of Israel are buried somewhere in the back of my head. It feels like I never left, or even that I went a long time ago. My mind won't grasp the fact that I have to re-acclimate. So...I haven't. Yet.
I don't know how to re-acclimate, to fit back in here. I'm feeling pretty damn aimless and depressed. And it sucks. I'm in a rut that gets deeper every day.
This morning, everyone stood while the Pledge of Allegiance was said aloud. I abstained, and silently sang Hatikvah. Tomorrow morning, I get to have the car to myself for the first time. My bikes are getting ridden. It keeps me sane.
I hate this feeling. I don't know what to do with myself. Or how to process the past semester of my life, or how to apply it, or even how to tell people about my experiences.
I've decided to go talk to my school counselor, as well as some other distinguished figures, and some people that are just good friends. I want to be cheery, and go out, and have a social life.
I want to be a normal teen again.
But at the same time...I want to be my own person, and live for myself.
One week has passed, and it feels like a year.
L'Shalom,
--Aron
aronaltmark@aol.com
(205) 515-0055 [US]
posted by aron at 9:13 PM
1 Comments:
Come back dude! Sounds like you got PIDDs, post Israel depression disorder - its very common. It also sounds to me like you belong here, though I say that about most folks;) regardless, you seem to be the type that might actually consider that on your own. The country has crazy quirks and has some real nut bags, but at least they are that...real. Very little hiding behind any facades. Israel IS Real. Hit me up if you return to Jerusalem and good luck with the film.
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